The Stages of Grieving

Grief is a normal response to a tragic situation, whether a diagnosis of terminal illness or death of a loved one. In her book "On Death and Dying," Elizabeth Kugler Ross outlines the stages of grieving through which we begin to face reality and heal.

Denial

When faced with a tragic situation, the initial reaction is denial or disbelief. These are normal reactions that begin to abate as the person starts to acknowledge the reality of the situation.

Anger

Once a person accepts the tragic situation, anger sets in - often rooted in feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. The person may rage at the unfairness of the circumstance, lashing out at those around him or her and even feeling anger toward God.

Bargaining

In this stage, the individual tries to make a deal with a higher power to postpone the tragedy. If facing a terminal illness, he or she may ask to live long enough to witness a future event, such as a wedding or birth of a child or grandchild. A person dealing with the loss of a loved one may continually review past events, trying to think of what could have been done differently to prevent it. If this stage is not properly resolved, prolonged feelings of guilt and remorse may result.

Depression

The reality of the situation has sunk in to the grieving person. He or she may feel despondent, not wishing to have visitors and perhaps feeling sorry for himself. He or she may cry, have difficulty sleeping or stop showing interest in life. A disconnect takes place. In the case of a terminal individual, he or she begins to separate from the living; for those coping with the death of a loved one, they learn to let go.

Acceptance

The individual eventually comes to grips with reality, realizing the inevitable happens and must be accepted. Healing occurs for someone dealing with the loss of a loved one. For those facing death, they make final preparations, say good-bye and advise others of their final wishes, including burial preference and funeral requests.

Progress through the 5 steps of grief is very personal and unique for each individual. Do not rush the process along; however, if a person seems to have significant problems dealing with grief, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling.