Talking to Kids About Death

While death is a tough topic, it is important to prepare before talking to kids about death. If your children have questions, they need age-appropriate answers about loss and grieving. Here are some tips on how to proceed.

Plan for questions

If you are mourning for the loss of someone near you, your children may want to know why you are sad or how to deal with their own sadness. Frame your answer in such a way that they do not blame themselves for your sadness or their own. Kids may want to know what has happened to the dead person and if they can come back. The child may also ask if you are going to die. Simply say that dying is a part of life and that everyone dies eventually, reassuring them that you are not sick or in danger of dying any time soon.

Explain what death is

If an older adult has died, you can simply explain that bodies get old and stop working eventually. If someone younger has died, explain that their body was broken in some way or that there was an accident. Help your child see that change like this is part of life. If your faith tradition has wisdom about the afterlife, share it - it helps your child put the event into a relative context.

Have age-appropriate answers

A young child cannot handle many details about death and may prefer the very concrete answers about grandpa going away or being in heaven. Older kids, however, can think more abstractly and are probably dealing with more complex feelings. Do not try to appear at peace with the death if you are not, and encourage older children to explore their own feeling by talking about death with you openly.

It's alright to grieve

You know how to talk to your child best; whatever age they are, communicate above all that negative emotions are normal. All people feel sad when someone dies, even when we have strong religious beliefs, because the loss is still there. Remember that crying and the grieving process are normal and that the sadness does not go away immediately.

Talking to kids about death is an intimidating endeavor. When you do it thoughtfully, you are setting them on the path to a healthy emotional life.